The Italian blog Zoomata is featuring a incendiary article called "Financial Crisis Puts Italian Men to Work at Home." It turns out Italian men, even unemployed ones, don't help out with the housework very often. The statistics sound real bad. Did you know that " 90% (of them) have never, ever, ironed a shirt"?

Whoa! Those thugs! They should be shot, eh? Forget the fact that I've had two wives (at different times, thank you very much) and neither of them had ever ironed a shirt as far as I know. I figure it this way: you make busy work, you finish it yourself.

Ok, so I'll admit: I'm not one of those wimpy men who say, "awright, I'll share the housework with ya, 50-50. It's only fair."

Because, frankly, it's not.

I'd be willing to become less "Italian" and do some housework if women would sign up to some simple demands to even the playing field. Here they come.

Numero Uno: When you're driving home from work and your little Chrysler/Fiat is making some ear-splitting noise that wasn't there before and sounds expensive, you are heretofore forbidden to say, "Honey, the car is making a funny noise and I really need it tomorrow to go to Milano for a business meeting. Could you rebuild the engine tonight after you do the dishes and iron my taffeta business meeting gown?"

Numero Due: When the faucet is dripping, instead of crying out "Honey, water is dripping from the kitchen faucet" you get out the wrench and plan on 45 trips to the hardware store to get the correct fitting just like you'd expect him to do. Whoever is bothered by something fixes it. If there is no "women's work" then there can be no "man's work" either.

Numero Tre: If you want an olive from an unopened jar, you'll just have to crack the darn thing open using the edge of the marble sink. I'm watching the Giro d'Italia until laundry time.

I suspect there'll be comments. Have at it.